King, Warrior, Friend, Lover

Studies in recent years have found that employees increasingly want employers to take a stand on social issues and be involved in the community. Smart employers have embraced that sentiment and offer paid time off that allows workers to pursue their passions. The Star Tribune noted this in a recent article. (My employer, Medica, is mentioned.)

High school and college students view the world this way, too. Meanwhile, enlightened college professors provide counsel that guides tomorrow’s leaders to pursue their passions.

During a college visit with my son, Spencer, this past fall, we met with a business and economics professor at Morningside College, a private liberal arts school in Iowa. The professor, Ngamboko Muzinga, an emigre from the Congo, asked us to call him “Larry.” He spoke directly to Spencer and told him that as a future leader he was called to be four things: king, warrior, friend, lover. Here’s what Larry meant:

King: You are in charge of your life and you need to run it with the authority of a king. He was clear that he didn’t mean that this gives leaders the right to boss people around but, rather, that they are responsible for their own actions.

Warrior: Larry simply was encouraging Spencer to fight for what he believed in. Take a stand for what you believe in and don’t let obstacles get in your way.

Friend: The implication here was that if you see a friend going off the rails – Larry used the example of a friend with a drinking problem and skipping classes – you as a true friend are responsible for pulling him back on the rails.

Lover: Larry wasn’t talking about the romantic kind of love! He was talking about loving all that is around us and caring for it as something you treasure. The environment, the institutions you belong to and the organizations you’re involved with – embrace them as you would a loved one.

Finally, pounding his fist against his chest, Larry admonished that in the end, even in business, you won’t be remembered for what you did with your brain but how you led with your heart.

A few weeks later Spencer wrote an essay in application for a college scholarship (which he received). Larry’s talk resonates. In Spencer’s own words:

The most impactful life experience I’ve had is the loss of several loved ones in a short period. My mother passed away when I was 13. Less than a year later, my grandfather died. When I was a high school sophomore, one of my teachers passed away. Those were tough losses that happened around the time of a big change in my life – starting high school. I think they had an impact on my focus and grades at first. But the experience taught me selflessness, empathy, and how to persevere and lead by example.

I’ve learned that people sometimes suffer through no fault of their own. As a result, I always try to put others before myself, no matter what I’m doing. The list of activities included with this application shows some ways I have served people who are hurt or suffering. (Those activities included helping at food shelves, assembling and moving furniture at a battered women’s shelter, staffing a booth at a fundraiser for children in third world countries, assisting at an exhibit that demonstrated the horrors of human trafficking.)

How others feel is more important than my personal gain.

I have become more generous. Being kind and giving has a positive impact and can be very rewarding to others and myself. I also have learned loyalty. I am loyal to my friends, family and community because we can care for each other and build relationships that last a lifetime.

I believe that selflessness, generosity and loyalty are important to building or building on a positive community. Even my summer job – lifeguard – is about serving and watching out for other people.

I’ve told Spencer to make the dance his own. I like his choreography. And I like the potential demonstrated by our future leaders.